Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated :::Drops of Jupiter By Trains:::
The night had come stolen, later broken by the softest smile on his face. I was taken out of deliverance that I can no longer continue. The seconds were spent into fragments of inspiration I held sacred before.
It was one of lazy afternoons I always have and probably kept very special in my own silly ways. The 4’oclock sun was unforgiving compared to my slow uncalculated steps I made on the concrete pathway. Yes, I was alone and I didn’t know if I was reminiscing or daydreaming but the only thing I was sure of was that I wasn’t lonely or compelled to be cruel to myself that day.
Then he knocked me in a pleasant surprise almost an answered prayer I never knew I uttered every night. I was always forgetful and the so called love was not on my side ever since, for I never believed in it. So I guess—if I was still privileged to guess that it was not love at first sight anyhow. I was glad of it.
Time was mine and all logic won’t fall apart. This was the course I follow so well and because of this virtue I felt terrified. Thoughts of losing someone and be driven into complications was not worth my ego. I was happy to be me, myself, and I.
He gave me roses but I didn’t--. I sighed and said his eyes were dreamy. He dedicated a poem for me and I didn’t--. I never smile back but I mentioned to him that poems were for dead lovers. He cried when I knew should be breaking down but I wasn’t. I’ve told everyone he was giving me the creeps.
Before, I’ve always known how things should work or which could be better but it turned out my heart and soul wasn’t as comprehending as much as my head does.
With the gentlest hand that ever touched my face he revealed the rest to me and asked him with utmost concern the thing I never said to anyone before: Would it be fair?
Yes he whispered.
…and suddenly love was a crime. It was my best.
Passion after passion made the missing gaps of my life eternally found and burning. Or maybe I wasn’t really aware of what I was really missing—for the first time the restless heart found its place in him. I looked at the palms of my hand after the solace of the night; he traced the lines and said in my ears it was destiny.
Another kiss, another time to be one.
The dawn had arrived and the morning sky crushed me along with the same smile of hims still imprinted in my head. I was torn out of freedom if there’s a need for me to be myself again. It lasted longer than a moment.
Now, I was running away from it like thunderstorms were chasing me. It happened and I was in it what I’ve made others felt before. But this time there were no screams, no slamming doors, and no packed clothes.
It is supposed to be my game—my only and favorite game. Never have I expected someone could bend the rules and run it on me. I don’t know if I ought to learn the things at the end of the story, but they call it regret—to my surprise. Sometimes the only thing I am searching for my entire life is the one thing I am always afraid of.
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind:::Drops of Jupiter by Trains:::
NOTES:
[Edited. It is a work of fiction years ago. I am sort of visionary, I am so scared now I gotta quit writing in first person.]
[It applies to love in particular pero this time and life in general (so much about love that I don't wanna talk about it). Yesterday was Valentine’s Day, I was hanging around in Informatics Megamall after work, I saw the girl who slapped me last year May 24, 2006. It was my birthday that day, also in front of Informatics, in full glory of all mall goers. No, she was not my ex. Just an indirect casualty of my recklessness with words. Seeing her again make me scared. I thought I recovered, but I was traumatized pala. What a Valentine’s Day to me. Pero that’s life eh. Uhmm ok lang...kasi I know most people are afraid of truth, ayaw nila sa itsura ng pangit na katotohanan. Pero ito mas masakit: ala pa kaming sueldo..bukas pa, Friday. Tapos minus pa ko four days.]
2 comments:
I played the song Drops of Jupiter while reading your entry... yes it felt deeper. I think, I tapped a part of your soul.
sir mugen,
thanks sa comments. i like the people to know that.
1. Outside looking In as a title was a line derived from "Till I Hear It From You" by Gin Blossoms. Later, I learned they have an album of the same title where Till I..belonged.
2. "But this time there were no screams, no slamming doors, and no packed clothes." was a variation of a line from M2M song The Day You Went Away." The line goes "In the doorway, with your case, no longer shouting at each other there were tears on our faces." Sa sobrang basic
Drops of Jupiter, one of the songs I love. I am not a fan. I love barely played songs. I love pop because napaka basic and raw.
I consider them my own because I cannot experience it all. That's how I connect to the artist. Some artist know something about life that I never know that I wanna know pero takot ma-experience. I tried to explain drops of jupiter. I'm such a phony, pag nagkita kami ni salinger, kakastiguhin siguro ako nun.
That's how I remember a few friends too with their fave song or song that I heard them singing accidentally. Too bad I don't know Chicane. I'll try dude.
And that's also how I write, probably due to absence of tangible inspiration sometimes. Yun nga lang, may pagka madam auring ata ako minsan..i think too much..some vision personafied without my consent. specially love.
Pero nice talaga ang drops of jupiter!
cheers!
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