I'll never love this way again...

it all happened so fast it seemed like a dream, but when i felt that the tears were getting my pillow and fingers wet and too much sobbing made my nose runny, i got the clue that it was no dream. the pain in my chest made me sure that it was real and that he was indeed going to break up with me.

imagine a quiet thursday night, lounging in your living room, your PC on and downloading stuff, your razor wails a text message alert, you pick it up and read. you havent reached the end of the message when time suddenly feels frozen and tears begin to form, he's breaking up with you. and via text. you hurriedly collect your thoughts and gather composure to reply; clarify if this was a bad joke. i checked the calendar and it aint no april fool's day. its almost christmas and here is your loved one giving you feelings that you are familiar with...being left alone. text messages fly left and right. each one feels like a powerful blow to your chest, dealing pain and loss of strength. weakened you go to your bed, its now the middle of the night. nothing is stirring. silence is deafening. memories of him rush into your head, like a cheesy flashback from a movie, happy and sad moments scurry into your brain making breathing a real challenge. you fall asleep crying.

its a li'l past 9 in the morning and you wake up to this familiar voice calling out your name. its him! by your window. you run towards the door bearing questions: was i just dreaming last night? is he here like he normally is on a weekend? does he know what is happening? you open the door, his face is a refreshing sight from last night's crying fit. his face glowing, his big black eyes staring at me as he waited to be let in, you go to the bedroom, he sits casually on the side as you lay down again to relax from your abrupt awakening. no hi's and no hello's. he places an unfamiliar shoe box on the bed and says:

"this is everything you gave me. i even kept the bus tickets, the receipts from all the places we ate at, price tags of stuff we bought together. everything i secretly took and hid to remind me of the times we spent together. there is one item there that is very important, the gate pass to the resort where i first met you. please keep them! its not that i wanna forget everything that happened. i just don't wanna cling to things that will make me cry when i see them. i still love you but i have to leave you..."

you are petrified and speechless. no voice comes out when you try to speak. everything before this moment is real! he is really breaking up with you. you try reason with him and find out the real reason for all of this. hours pass and more tears fall and sink into a pillow you are huging so tightly. he tries desperately to keep a straight face, no tears, he cracks jokes, he continually avoids eye contact...

fate decides to give your love one more chance, after asking him the same series of questions again and again and keep teeling him: "ill respect your decision because i trust and love you but know this, it does not matter how long it takes, once go out that door, ill be sitting by it waiting for the time you come back to me. and when you do, you will see that nothing has changed and that i will love you forever. you may ask me to do anything for you or even leave you, but please don't ever ask me to stop loving you coz that is one thing i am sure i cannot give you..." you get through and he breaks into tears, you reach for his hand and he reaches back. you hold hands and stare at each other with swollen teary eyes. silence ensues. he says: "im sorry, i take it back.i love you and i really can't leave you!" your face dripping with tears...you yield a smile and you rush to hug him like this was the last day on earth. time feels like it stopped.
the two of you agree to make things better and tackle hurdles in life together, stumble together, and pick up each other when we do fall. tears flowed, pain has been inflicted, apologies have been accepted, minds are clear, both guilt free, love overpowers and the two of you move on...HAPPY.

-i'm very private with my love life, but this is one part of it that I feel i must share...