Arkinscent

Conrad was a big man, and he appeared unchanged after three years. He grabbed me on my right hand and forced me to salute his Chancellor.

“No!” I resisted.

Suddenly a Seeder Plane descended on Raja. The hot air coming from its engine swept all the dust. All of this dirt seemed attracted to my perspiration and blood.

A clean and neat young man, about my age came, boarding off the aircraft. He was wearing military uniforms and came rushing forward to the chancellor. He shamed my appearance.

Conrad stopped. His left hand still halfway in trying to make me salute the Chancellor. He was looking intently at me; I was looking in the black glove at my right hand. He tried to remove it. I clenched my fist. He was doing it as discreetly as possible. Then he jabbed me silently, but he didn’t try to remove the glove.

The young soldier saluted the general, and then gave him a sheet of folded red paper—the official letters of the Libra. Then the general gave the young man permission to leave, but before he could leave, he had a chance to see their new prisoner. I tried to hide in my swollen flesh, bloody face and hair, and broken skin, not to mention the rust and dirt I newly accumulated. From unusual grim he always expressed in front of their prisoners, he became excited. I was so embarrass he recognized me. He greeted me involuntarily.

“Hey.” He said gladly to me.

Even this guy called me HEY. Next time I’ll start writing my name with H instead of A if ever I’ll survive, I promised that. At least he was cheerful to see me. But I didn’t give him any hint that I was really somebody he knew. But three years wasn’t too long. My attention from the young man broke when the Chancellor suddenly looked at me after reading the paper. It was the same wrath I’ve seen before.

“You helped the Commonwealth activate the Pantallassa and you joined the R. A. S. C! You crazy bastard!”

Bastard? I like to laugh about it, how can I be a bastard?—anyway I guess this guy need some major memory recall. And to answer his questions, I will both confirmed and denied them but it will be ineffective. Okay, so I just add it to my infamous “list.” Beside he took a great of effort to find me after all.

I felt the Raja tilted even more. Conrad stabilized his balance.

I took my chances and tried to escape.

To the shock of everybody, I amputated his both hands and to my absolution.
Conrad was agonizing on the floor with blood flowing mercilessly from his limbs, squirming in pain, and his scream competed against the deafening blasts happening simultaneously.

The Chancellor looked at me as if he will kill me in front of his son, Yttrob, the young man who gave the bad news to him. He tried it to me once, also three years ago.

I looked at Yttrob with sad eyes. “I am sorry it had come to this.” Conrad took care of him after his mother died.

I ran away and then I bound into the waters. Yttrob, my brother was calling out my name, and our father was cursing me with finest words known to complement an abominable son.

I felt the gravity as if it wasn’t working on me, and then I saw steel slugs. Most of them missed me, but a few exited thru my body, forcing their way through the flesh and one shoved in the heart; breaking vessels and valves, wiping out hope and faith. Blood fell and flown animated almost like an angry rain. I don’t know who shot me, but would it matter to the sharks and scavengers of the ocean?

Finally the tears in my eyes escaped, flowing madly around my face, delighted to embrace the ocean, where they knew they should belong, and not in my eyes.

And I saw Rossetti always staring at the sky, at the sun that can blind. I want to tell her that sometimes, some of our dreams in order to come true must be nightmares to live by. I learned that too late a long time ago. I hoped it would not happen to her. That was why I start with that silly question that afternoon we separated ways though we never bade each other goodbye. She was right about loneliness but I had to ask her something. It is possible loneliness is a promise broken long ago? Because that one I don’t know. Even in death I am not so sure, why?

I thought I learned a long time ago how to die and accept it and that what I still cannot comprehend is how to accept life. Damn... Oh God how come I fail in both? Where would I go?

Finally, the deep blue sea swallowed me eager to protect me against the laughter of angels, of devils, and of men. They were laughing because I will finally die worthlessly.

[fiction:draft:excerpt: my first attempt of using third person, then I switch to 1st person in the middle of the story. Arkinscent is the name of the guy who died.]