The war of chocolates

Which is sweeter? Which is better?

Ferrero or Cadbury?

“Life is like a box of chocolates”

You will never know what you’re going to have unless you open it and try one of the chocolates.

He grabs the box, opens it, sees a Golden wrapped chocolate ball, it never fails to stand out amidst the variety of chocolate balls in the box.

A Ferrero Rocher is probably one of the most favorite chocolate of girls and boys alike, a chocolate ball wrapped in gold, its very tempting, very SEDUCTIVE, very rare, you will never find a chocolate other than Ferrero, the chocolate is sweet, makes you wonder where it came from, makes you think how such a chocolate exist, its too good to be true. One bite is not enough, it is so ADDICTIVE that you want more.

He grabs again another Ferrero ball in the box.

He enjoys eating a Ferrero, a Ferrero gives everything, he wants you to be HAPPY, he gives you LOVE and quality TIME that you’ve always complained about your past relationships. He gives you what he thinks is BEST for you. He gives you the right ATTENTION. He TICKLES your inner senses. He gives you his LIFE.

You eat a Ferrero and slowly taste the sweetness in your mouth, you wouldn’t swallow it unless you think it’s the right time. A Ferrero NEVER COMPLAINS, take me as I am, even if it’s my life, but Ferreros do die, after eating what’s next? There’s nothing left for a Ferrero, a golden wrapper in your hand, what do you do?

You flatten it, you see there were bits of chocolate left, you slowly lick them, a Ferrero leaves you traces, a Ferrero NEVER LEAVES YOU, he NEVER HANGS YOU IN MISERY, he always wanted closure, he makes sure that you’ll ask for more but what do you do after licking it.

You slowly crumple and throw it in the bin. Ferreros never complain, we never rant about it. We just took it as a sign, MAYBE WE DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER, MAYBE WE THOUGHT ITS YOU, BUT I GUESS NOT, we’re just a chocolate, WE’RE NOT GREAT LIKE WHAT WE THINK WE ARE. Sometimes when it comes to love, Ferreros are STUPID.

But you just can’t get enough of Ferrero, you open the box again, you see there is just one Ferrero left, but then you see another chocolate, the Cadbury. You decided to try it out, after all a FORGIVING and UNDERSTANDABLE Ferrero wouldn’t mind right? Trying out a different chocolate gives you VARIETY and SPICE IN YOUR LIFE. You have always been ADVENTUROUS and a Ferrero loved you for that. Even if you’re afraid of COMMITMENT, I have loved you for that. But even with all that effort you still decided to leave the Ferrero alone or maybe leave the last piece of him for now, Are you saving the best for last? I don’t know! Maybe you can tell me.

Cadbury comes in different forms, sometimes with raisin, sometimes with almonds and sometimes even both, the Cadbury comes in a plain bar but its FULL OF SURPRISES, it has always been, you feel like your 17 and then you stop and think, maybe a Ferrero at 23 is too old for you, a Cadbury bar is BIGGER AND TALLER, a Ferrero is a small ball, its not enough for your appetite. A Ferrero is never enough for you. A Cadbury bar also gives you everything, every bar has a surprise, sometimes you feel some raisins in it, its give you sweetness, it gives you that feeling that you want more and you just cant get enough, sometimes its just plain chocolate, I don’t know for certain what does it mean, but for some its like a DULL moment. and being a Ferrero lover myself, I definitely agree. But like a Ferrero, it gives you everything, he makes sure you always come back; he makes sure you will never look for another chocolate again.


I guess the Cadbury doesn’t know that there is a single Ferrero ball left in the box. It wasn’t his fault, YOU NEVER TOLD HIM, he’s too FAR to see how a Ferrero looks like. IF ONLY HE KNEW, he will never let you eat him, he will give you a bitter taste you’ll never imagine a chocolate can be capable of, Who knows what you’re going to do with the last Ferrero ball? Will you come back and love the chocolate again? Will you let him stay there until you finish the rest of the Cadbury? A REBOUND CHOCOLATE? Did you left him there to make him stay while you enjoy the other and come back to him when you get tired, SELFISH? I don’t know! Having the best of both worlds? YES!

Is the Ferrero waiting for you? I don’t know! Come what may, A Ferrero will never give you up, but a Ferrero will always be a chocolate, Chocolates are meant to be eaten. I hope that when you realize its time for another Ferrero experience. I hope ITS NOT TOO LATE, I hope it’s still there waiting for you and YOU BETTER HOPE that NO ONE hasn’t discovered your chocolate box and CHASED HIM AWAY. Because LEAVING ME HANGING THERE IS LIKE GIVING ME AWAY.

SOMEONE

A lot of people has asked me who "Someone" is?

I dont know how to explain it and how to introduce him in this blog ...

I think im falling for him (Here we go again turismoboi, akala ko b nagbago ka na?, so impulsive)....

At first I wasnt aware of this attraction I felt for him, I thought I was just too interested and too intrigued, I thought I was just curious, I even told myself that this is just "libog". I thought that if I find another interesting guy, (thats why I tried to date other people) this attraction will die naturally, but recently I think it was getting stronger.

He was kind to me and the rest of the people as well. He was friendly or maybe too friendly, I dont know if we are really close or its just because thats what I want to think, and I really dont want to ask if he is close to me or not, but right now I could proudly tell he is now special but I dont want to hurt people.

A friend told me maybe it because he's just getting too friendly to me or maybe he was just a professional flirt after all everybody seems to have fallen for him not just me, my friend told me to be distant to him, I was trying to do that for days, but I gave up, I just cant help to be close to him even if its not right. My friend told me that he must be really a flirt or just maybe too attractive for me thats why I'm so eager to be with him.

"Hindi mo pa kasi natitikman, like what you always say libog lang yan"

but is it libog lang? I know by choice this feeling will pass, but I dont know, right now it is killing me, I kept on thinking about him (Here we go again turismoboi, ilang beses na ba narinig sakin yan sa blog) but I just cant help it, thats me, and its wrong, very very wrong.

I am very much aware that things wont work like what I want them to be, "Someone" is very much taken and very much in love with his significant other. I am just a stranger to this scene. I came late and Im sure ill just pass this relationship, maybe ill be the reason for the jealousy, ill be another trial or challenge to make their relationship stronger or maybe im just assuming too much.

"Someone" doesnt know that im feeling this, and I dont want him to have a hint. Im not going to tell this to him at all, not at this time or not even in a later time, its just too complicated to express this feeling especially now, im not sure how he will even react, he may just laugh, I dont even want to see his suprised, unexpected reaction. I will be a laughing stock of the couple and the people around us. There are lot of single persons out there? Im not sure why I'm attracted to this one? (TANGA!)

Recently he was giving signs that I think hes attracted to me as well (or maybe I thought there were signs but they are actually not) but I guess he is also now aware that the so called friendship we are building is going to a different direction if we allow it, I think he loves his significant other and he doesnt to hurt him again. I was kind of a witness on how he tried to fight for this relationship. Now that there is a calm water on their end, here I come storming around.

I have decided now to set a distance. I hardly text him or talk to him. I found as well a sign and an excuse last week to set more distance, he's smart I'm sure sooner or later he will realize that im doing this because I dont want to hurt anyone, I am helping him not to commit a mistake. I am helping myself to fall out of love or maybe not to fall in love at all. At this point, I believe this is just attraction but I really dont want this to progress to something.

Coincidentally, I was browsing Youtube when I found this new video of Avant and Nicole Scherzinger of the Pussycat Dolls, video was good but the message really hit me

Below are some of the lyrics and the youtube video, red portions of the song hit what I want to express, and the blue portions of the song are the ones I ambitiously want him to express.

Lie about us

"Baby I know when we started out there were things you didn't know, but babygirl we got a lotta things we
Need to discuss I know I'm asking for a lot, but just trust. you say that things gettin old sneakin'
Round creepin' and love on the low but baby girl I can't wait till' it's officially us, I can't wait to
Let them know about us.

First I thought that I could take you boy but I don't know, you told me you were gonna leave her for me Long ago.

Eventually I will but I just gotta take it slow don't wanna break her heart, altough I gotta let her go So baby ..

So please don't say you wanna give up.
How do I tell her that I'm falling in love,
And I know you're waiting patiently for that day
When we no longer have to lie about us.
Im with her all I want is your touch,
And when you call me I don't wanna hang up,
And I know I say it often but I can't wait
Till' we no longer have to lie about us.

Baby I know situation don't seem fair to us both.
But babygirl, she's an issue that I'm bout to adjust.
Don't mistake our love is meant for just us,
You are my soul, mind, body, spirit all that I know.
But babygirl I can't wait till' it's officially us,
I can't Wait to tell the world about us.



Moving forward, I dont want you to leave my blog with an impression that I want something to happen, I am hoping but Im not expecting.

I know where I stand. Enough said.

Maybe I'll just wait........... or maybe not.

the rollercoaster ride

I’ve never been to Enchanted Kingdom, I have been to Star City and Ocean Park in HongKong, but i’ve never been to EK.

Ive never rode the rollercoaster too, ive never even tried to ride the pathetic Zycloon loop in Star City, the nearest almost rollercoaster ride experience will be most probably the Raging River in Ocean Park and the Wild River in Star City, I’ve always wanted to ride the rollercoaster.

From now on I should be careful of what I wish for, you’ll never know u might get it in a split second, without you even knowing it.

The line to the ticket booth

So it started with text messages, conversations over the phone, sensible ones may I add, it was nice, it was smart talking, no boner teasing , no naughty saliva flowing SOPs, it was pure talk, two people getting to know each other, its like finding someone u think u know, while falling in line upon getting the tickets u’ve always wanted, after all it was your first time.

The tickets

So after several exchanges of nothing special but pure talk, aware of that growing (well I thought it was) “ATTRACTION” (or more than that), you both decided to meet, eager to know each other, you just bought the tickets, you’re almost there, waiting for your turn to be seated, waiting to be seated next to that someone you just found, a new found friend or more than that or maybe neither of both.

The seat

It was a two-seater rollercoaster, the type you see in cartoons, you can almost see the heart signs from the horizon, u know ur coming there, ur going to pass it for sure, sharing it with someone on your side, someone you like but ur not sure if he likes you, the mystery of the ride excites you, you try to stare at his eyes, but hes not that ready for you, maybe your moving fast or maybe its just that he's thinking too fast as well, aware of his instincts, aware of the signs he wants to see, is he scared like you, to ride that rollercoaster for the first time?, is he feeling the same way?, is he taking a risk as well if he will enjoy the ride?, did he really took a risk, well u’ll never know until the engine starts.

The ride

So the engine starts, slowly but surely u know its going to be fast, you try to relax, breathe heavily, and there it goes, the comfy straight line ride, the part where you just think that all is going well for this ride at all, its not that bad huh? Not at all for your first time, you then feel comfortable, well I guess only you but not that someone beside you, he was far away, he was too busy trusting his instincts, he’s there but his mind is elsewhere, or maybe not, ull never know until you get to the loop. The scariest yet exciting part of the ride. This is it!

The loop

You then feel some tension, your lungs is raising, its hard to breathe, you try to touch the rails of your seat, but I guess its too far to reach, you then ask him to hold you, this is what you were waiting for, you’ve always wanted to touch him, how would his hands fit into yours? But he resists, he then tells you “its too early”, you then became vulnerable, you became so small, you got embarrassed, maybe I was over reacting, you know its the loop part but how come, maybe I was just impulsive, maybe ur just too clingy, maybe ur just too mushy, maybe its just nerves, is it because of the ride or is it because of him? You don’t know! You’re not sure so you tried to enjoy the ride even if its already freaking you out.

The fall

As you feel butterflies in your stomach, you then felt like your slipping, you started to panic, you tried to get some help, you looked at him questioningly, you then asked him why? He then answers “I just don’t feel a spark, there’s no fondness” and there you go, falling from the loop, the risk you took paid off, your flying in the air, you looked at him, but I guess he was too far already, you wouldn’t know what he was thinking, it was instinct he said, and it was carelessness for you, next time fasten the seatbelt because it was not enough, your not good enough! He was up there, your just here, you’ll never know when you’ll see him again, I guess you will never will, he wouldn’t take the risk, he wouldn’t take the chance, after all it was instinct who told him so. Your nothing but a speck of false hope in that big word!

The catchers

You felt the ground, it was too fast, Joms was right! Now u know?!, You just wanted to be yourself, you don’t want to pretend, but there’s no spark, you were not that good enough, your just a speck to that big word!, your nothing compared to the other riders, your not that sensible, your not that hot, your not good looking or maybe because your just too conceited? But hey you will never know right?! You will never will! The ground feels soft, the ground feels like human, you then realized your being carried, you then saw your friends,

There was John telling you: “Diyosa ka! Isa siyang immortal! Tonta!”

Apollo: “Maybe your just too much for him to handle, Cute ka naman ah! Marami pang nakapila”

Nazi : “Tigilan mo yang kalandian na yan, mag videoke na lang tayo”

Tim: “Red Box b to?! Join ako!”

Red: "There is someone out there that is better and who will love u more, m just here if u need me ok?"

And then u felt like you just found home, the ride was nice, maybe the next try will be better? The encouraging words help you, comforted you, you started to pick up yourself, faster than expected, you sat down in the corner "I think ill better wait till someone ask me again to ride that rollercoaster!"

So What’s Turismoboi’s good at then?

I guess, I can MOVE ON faster unlike no other gay guy in the Philippines can do

“I wanted to thank you for all of the nice conversations, I wish you luck, I actually prayed to God to help you find that someone your looking for, to continuously trust your instincts and never let them deceive you, maybe we’ll meet in another time, we don’t know, I tried to be friends and keep in touch but I guess it wasn’t that right, after all friendships sometimes do needs sparks as well, I guess…………..”

TriNoma (First Part)

He had been waiting across the street when I got out of the office after our shift.

Wearing a faded jeans, a white hooded shirt and a cap, it is one of the very rare moments when somebody picks me up and patiently waits for me to finish my duties.

Usually, it's the other way around.

The guy is as tall as me. He must be a 5'9er. At first glance, he looks stocky to me. However his big arms and broad shoulders will tell that he's into gym as well. He has a tanned skin which is slightly lighter than mine and small droopy eyes that always look sleepy when you gaze at them. Not bad, especially if you would consider his overall projection which is, by all accounts, twice as masculine as me.

I think he's a good catch.

"So how was your day dude?" He asked me.

"I'm good, a little lazy today." I replied.

We started walking towards the jeepney stop, unsure of a place to go. When we reached the intersection where P and I used to walk together, my impulse told me to turn right and still walk the long broken road going to Shaw Boulevard. I knew my companion was observing me. Obviously, he felt my sadness. For he walked faster to get ahead of me, only to turn back so that he could get my full attention.

"Gusto mo try natin sa Epitome? Let's have fun there," he said.

I just smiled and continued walking. Lately, I'm in no mood to get naughty - except if it was my buddy I am with. With a slight sign of disappointment, his mood became serious again and for the rest of our journey towards the main road, we were not talking.

He never asked where we would be heading. All I know was that he just followed me quietly. In front of the jeep where we had chosen to sit, I saw him glanced at me when I looked at the side mirror. Maybe he was assessing his strategy to reach out to me. Perhaps, he was scanning my hotness factor considering that he's one of the horniest guys that I know.

At the MRT, we remained non-communicative to one other. No one wants to talk and being a guy that does not really talk - a lot, I did not expect him to make the first moves. But I knew he was trying to get close, he just don't know how. There were times he would put his elbow on my shoulder and since it was cool with me, I leaned closer - to let him know that I feel good to what he was doing.

When we arrived at TriNoma, the newest super mall in the city, the first thing we did was to look for an ATM booth. He said it will be his treat, no matter how I insisted to pay our bills. I told him that it was me who invited him to go out, but my pleas only fell to his deaf ears.

Since it was already past 3 pm and both of us had not eaten our lunch yet, we immediately went to the food court. Craving for pasta, I suggested that we should try World's Chicken since they serve the best Fettuccine Alfredo that I know of. He complied immediately since his hunger won't let him complain any longer.

When our order was served, we ate our late-lunch at a table nearby.

Halfway towards finishing our lunch, he suddenly broke the silence by asking me a cryptic question:

"So why did you leave me Joms, I thought I would always be around for you?"

"But I thought you're the one who abandoned me. You left me alone defending myself and my emotions from that last guy I've been attached with," I said, while slicing a large chunk of grilled chicken on my plate.

"Did I? I tried to reach out to you dude, but your emotions were too messed up for me to get close to you. Maybe you didn't want me to intervene in your affairs after your fall-out? Maybe you were enjoying in your own pain, that you never sought me to pull you out so that I could help you move on much easier."

"Yeah I did... I just don't want to get hurt by others anymore. Don't you see that it's useless...?"

"Useless what?" From the tone of his voice, I knew that he was a bit agitated already.

"Nothing... Let's not talk about it right now. What's important is that you're here again," I said.

My companion did not reply after I told him how vital his presence is to me. He just briefly looked into my tired eyes, smiled and went back to emptying his plate full of pasta. He must have sensed that I was too self-absorbed with my own pain to take his suggestions.

After our meal, we didn't stay long at the food court since there were many diners waiting for their turn at the table. We went to the top floor, hoping to see a scenic view at the open-air park over there. Unfortunately, the clouds hung heavy around us so there was nothing really to see. Besides, the landscaping staff were still busy applying finishing touches to the pond and the viewing deck across from where we were standing. After a minute of looking around, we decided to go back and check out the stores in the mall instead.

"Let's go see a movie," I suggested.

"And what movie do you want to see, Joms?" He asked.

"Anything that is feel-good. I need to laugh," I said.

"Then let's watch Shrek 3. Im sure you will find the movie a laugh trip."

So we went to watch that movie. Fortunately it was just about to start and there were still many seats available inside the theater. We picked an isolated area near the screen because we were both nearsighted. I also don't want the other moviegoers to get annoyed the moment I start laughing my heart out.

Shrek 3 was indeed a laughing trip - especially the part where Snow White was making a freakish dance move in order to get the tree-soldiers' attention, while singing in her all-original 1920's voice. Imagine the classic Snow White Disney movie where she sang in the woods and attracted all the furry animals to approach her. Remember the small blue and white birds perching on her shoulders while the squirrels and deers wander around her feet. That was how the scene was like at Shrek 3. Indeed, every critter in the forest and the two tree-soldiers (which looks exactly like the Ents in Lord Of The Rings) suddenly got fascinated at the innocent-looking Snow White.

However, the pleasant mood changes suddenly the moment Snow White's singing voice became raging and powerful. Suddenly, all the furry animals around her became blood-lusty and simultaneously attacked the tree guards by gnawing at their trunks and leaves. For some reasons, that part made me laugh so loud, that even the moviegoers several seats from us suddenly looked at me.

It doesn't matter though, I had fun. For all I know, I rarely laugh that loud. The only other thing that could make me do so is Wanda Ilusyonada's blog.

---

-tobecontinued-

The Legend of the Three Sexes

"This is why we always find someone to love..."

Do you ever wonder if you really have a soulmate?
Do you ever wonder why there are gays and lesbians?
Don't you ever wonder why some people love their same sex?
Do you ever wonder why some people love their opposite sex?
And do you ever wonder why these love are indestructible?
Why do most people seem to cannot live without someone to love?
And finally, why is it that people do not know what they have until it is gone?

Let me tell you about the Myth of Love...

It was said that before, in the origin of times, there were three sexes; male, female, and androgene. Original humans do not look like how we humans look today. Humans before were said to be twice of each person now, with two heads, two pair of eyes, two pair of lips, four hands, four feet, two bodies, two hearts, and of course two genitals. Then, if the person has two vaginas, that is a female. If the person has two penis, that is a male person. If the person has both the two different organs, a vagina and a penis, then that person is an androgene. They said that androgenes were the most beautiful people among all because they have mostly the best features and characteristics of both the male and the female. Because these people dream of being in heaven, even if they already have the heavens in their selves, they want to experience it even for just a little while. And so they climbed to Mount Olympus. Zeus got furious upon seeing the people going up the mountain. He said, "How dare these immortals climb our wondrous world? And to think I'd let them experience it! Especially now that they do not cherish of what they have!!! " He got so mad that he used his lightning bolts to cut each person in half to make them weaker enough so as not to continue on climbing." The God of Healers healed the wounds of the people cut in half. And from then on, everyone started to look out for their pair the moment they got down from the mountains.

This is why there is the term "soulmates". Their bodies, in which their souls rest, used to be one. Therefore soulmates. They said that this is also the reason why there are people who love their same sex, the gays and lesbians. They are the males and females before. And this also explains why gays are creative, because they are both males before, they tend to concentrate on what they lack. The same thing for lesbians. Because they are both females before, they tend to be strong as not to be underestimated. Androgenes would be equal to male and female lovers. That is why nowadays these couples are the most acceptable, stronger, and the most beautiful among all partners, they have the strength of both males and females. Lovers nowadays, whether gay, lesbian, or male and female couples, are indestructible because they are the pairs before. They are really meant to be. This myth also explains why it is natural for people to just realize the value of the people they love only when they are about to be gone or are already gone. Because this happened even before, and we become weaker without our pair. We realize that we need them, truly love them, and that together, we are stronger. This is also why we kiss.We always try to find the lips wherein ours will fit well. This is also why we like to hold hands with the one we love, to find out if the spaces between their fingers are the spaces where ours used to lay. And finally, this is why we always find someone to love. We always want to complete ourselves... Because we need the strength of the one we love in order to go on with the hardships of life... We need to fill in a missing space... And most of all, because we used to have two hearts.

We need to find the other one.

Old and Rusted

originally written - December 8, 2006 11:50pm

a while back, while in a cab to work
my friend patrick & i was texting:

pat: e kaw, kamusta naman dyan?
me: oki pa rin, toxic sa work as always
pat: ganun ba. e ang puso mo?
me: i dont have a heart, i just have a dick and a future to focus on, in life you can’t have everything

then after pressing send i started to slump on my seat
deep inside i felt very bad, my response seems to feel so real
for it was the first thought out of my mind…
sobbing inside, i got no more tears to shed…

i felt bad…. i felt hopeless…

yesterday was my one of my bestfriend’s 1st year death anniversary
i was with my ex when we visited his grave lunchtime
a lot has happened to me this past year after his passing…

for one i got promoted, something that i can only dream of, 5 years ago
it’s a four year climb to the top and am very proud… am very happy…
happiness that now proved too short to remember.

they say the higher you go up, the lonelier it gets…
true enough after a while, the usual stuff that made me happy
doesn’t seem enough anymore… i became restless and bold
i started experimenting, i started deviating,
now i can't recognize myself anymore...

maybe because i got no one…
the 3 most important guys in my life i cant reach...
1 died, 1 is busy, 1 is just miles away…
now i got no one else...

i was always on the watch out for the right one,
i pretended to be tough but deep inside i was cramming…
maybe because i know i need the right one to straighten out my life,
the right one before i become irreparable…

why is it everytime I get to meet someone I really like…
everytime i decide to allow myself to fall…
everytime i decide to make myself vulnerable…
…something stupid always happens

maybe it’s karma… yeah maybe it is…
for i had my share of mess ups and shame…

contrary to what i texted patrick….
my heart is the most important and overused part of me
it has gone through tough times…
mangled, smudged, squeezed, ambushed, stressed,
burned, stabbed and left for dead
resuscitated, revived, restarted and rebooted a couple of times.

now it has come to a point it can no longer take anymore shit
hardened with grief and pain but still beating with the last remaining hope
only good news is, its still got time for one more…
only one more…

life must go on, now am setting my heart aside…
resting, old and rusted…
but its still here… just waiting for its last user
the one with the correct login name and password…

The Last Love Poem of an Insomniac

Look at this world it is changing,
Faster than the snowflakes that dries in your hands and
Kisses that lost warmth, skin that can no longer feel
Writers dying, saying goodbye to love.

Look at my eyes, they are falling asleep,
But cannot be tucked in this poem of somebody else’s dream.
Blossoming someday until the senses recover,
The resurrection and embrace of this silly line of the poet.

Promise me the fence will never grow tall,
Cast the spell that can erase the ocean of its cloud,
But don’t show me the road to be taken.
I have my own way.
My love will seek you blind and hopeful.

So this last kiss will commence the change.
The end that truly ends and that means to end,
I wonder why we’re not crying though it is sadness that we exchange.

Ah yes I know now, the world is changing but love will remain the same. I love you.

I love you so much that I need this sleep.

Stormwater Drain (Formerly titled Letting Go as An Art Perfected By Me)

(written Tuesday, January 16, 2006 10:59 AM, Makati City)
(written hours after our last meeting that early morning)
(Edited)

I just thought letting go, the art, I have perfected this morning.

Nothing is perfect. It was the right thing to do and I felt so right but now I am so empty. How could you feel love and it is aching inside? How could you feel thankful and yet not bitter? Saying goodbye was easy, letting go itself is kindness on my part. Friendship is a gift but it is not an immediate substitute to affection, friends for now but not now, later for sure.

Love, I learned can be felt alone, the intimate and passionate one. It is love in its true and raw form. Love exists. However the experience between the two people will be different. When it does, when two people experience the same thing in the same moment, in the same space, then the kiss is perfect…the experience of love is perfect—the sad thing about the best thing in life, nothing last forever, even this perfect experience.

I said goodbye, I promised to be kind to myself by saying goodbye. Hurting is not part of my dream, my resistance was in vain, the battle and the war have been already lost. But there is no conflict except desires melting, dreams fading, and memories refreshing itself in every cells until the so called "time heal wounds" have taken effect. I am recovering not from the heart break but the pieces, fitting them together, until it will be once more ideal.

Right now I have a question, an inquiry, how do you really measure love? By the time? Or by the sacrifices made? Or by the intensity of the feeling? I cannot answer to that. But what is essential is the fact of love and loving, although it is an affection felt by a single person alone and not by two people.

I will keep it as a memory, I don't know if I gonna recall it later, coz it is happening right now, this soon. I know it is unfair and unkind on my part but I believe it is a way of picking up the pieces. Nothing really went wrong but the circumstances as I have said were not on my side. Life is still unfair. But being unfair is not bad, it is not just the proper or should I say the real time. I have made my love so real, to the extreme extent it could kill me, luckily it didn't happened. I don't want to kill myself for love but I want to die for love or loving someone.

Why did I say goodbye although deep inside I am aching, crying for acknowledgement that I am capable of love. I said goodbye because of impressions. The moment I saw him, it was so magical that "lost" is the perfect description. Suddenly life, the world was perfect. It was a first impression. But first impression was hard to maintain in the next hours or in the coming days but love keep me enchanted. And I’ve learned too that the last impression we made was the only thing that marks in the people's brain for so long as if it is the only sensible thing to remember. I want our goodbye cool and not as passionate as the first impression. Why? Because after all the love had gone, all will be left are memories to inspire e to love again somebody as good as this…

To forget the pain, although it was part of the picture I won't deny.

Finally I am stepping clear out of it, yes I was hoping he will come back, but time or somebody and myself, sooner or later will diminished this flame away. I know love is not the only virtue that keeps the world revolving, why do you think we are apart because I believe in honesty, I uphold them against the love I been waiting for. Love has a pretty face, a flaming kiss, and insane desire. Truth and honesty, meanwhile, are monsters. Love didn’t make me happy or right. Honesty and truth didn’t too. Maybe for now, I don't need the result coz i don't know how to clean my hands. But a choice had been made.

Letting go is not perfect. But something got to give. It is not really about letting go but learning the hard way.


[It seems improper to post consecutively considering this is not my blog. My apology, I can't help it. I'm so sorry for this is an recycled entry. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Tomorrow I'll be having my version of stand alone complex: i'll wake up, i'll go to work, i'll go home, i'll sleep...senti mode ang kupal. Next time probably not tomorrow or the next day, i'll try to publish something tutyy fruity and light.]

HANG ON OR LET GO

reposted from my personal blog www.ironicguy.blogspot.com

When i was a little kid, i fell from a tree... but i managed to hold on to a branch... i was up there for a long time and waited...the silence, the pain in my arms, the blood pumping in my ears,...then i fell... i couldnt remember what happened when i hit the ground, all i could remember was the agony of holding on and the wonderful feeling of letting go. Its painful to hang on and wait for nothing. At times we should learn to give way and let go, we just got to move on.

They say we have to master the art of letting go, yet how could it be?! Its easy said than done. For the heart refuses what the mind is thinking. They just cant be synchronized that easy. Hahay. What a dilemma it would be.

It all started with my controversial blog, Kaibigan Usap Tayo, a lot of readers had been intrigued with it. I got series of reactions from friends and even from strangers in the friendster world. One particular reaction lead to an opening of the angst and pains that is brought by this so called love.

There comes a time when you meet someone and felt that s/he will be the person that you gonna share your entire life with. And yes i meet her. With my past brought to the realm of forgetfullness, i somehow manage to create a new vision of my tomorrow with a girl whom i loved very much. Though i never felt the love was reciprocated on its level of intensity, still blinded by the strong emotion.

And now it has slowly fade to nothingness, there is still the love, yes i must admit, i was going madly crazy inlove. My life is never been the same again. The strength that i got with the once blooming relationship had weaken as the days gone by. Im sorry but i just fall in love, and it is not a sin to fall.

Many of us believe that love is forever, that love never dies, only to be disillusioned in the end when we find our hands empty and our hearts longing. We mistakenly have looked at love as a need to be fulfilled, but love is only a gift given to us, we should not hold it in our hands for we may never find the strength to let it go when it decides to leave. We should only embrace its warmth and glow while it lasts and then freely open our arms when its time to say goodbye.

As long as there is no final words of goodbye. A little hope sprouts from my innermost being telling me that everything will gonna be fine. AFterall its much better to say, "hang on" than to say goodbye. :(

POSCRIPT:

Sometimes it's better to have forgiven and forgotten than never to have argued at all
for these are the things that build your ccharacter
that strengthen your love
and enlarge your capacity to love and be loved, many words cause many pains
sometimes the pain doesn't heal so easily
but it is part of building , of growing, of living and loving, I saw a picture and got that she was wrong but it will still be better for you to try to be friends again and act in love
then she can take it or leave it but you willhave made the right choice
it will all work out for good somehow
she is making choices still so it as of now undetermined, but very soon all will be revealed