clementine,

that early morning, i really felt that i was your joel, defying everything but the whimsical rules of happiness. you were a good estimation of what i hoped for, or dreamt of, abruptly, during lazy, uneventful afternoons. inversely, even the spaces between your fingers was enough to tell me that i fit casually into your body, and beyond that, up to the cliffs and trenches of your desires.

i ache for you now, as i ache for everything that seems lost, away from my grasp. a few days ago, i could easily dismiss your emails as impotent and malicious, boxing your intentions to the transient, to the malignant, to the disposable. but now, i ache for them as well. i ache for anything that places me within or nearer your diameter. i ache for the wavering of your silence, your distance.

there was something indispensable that early morning, as i remember. maybe i was just childish and stubborn against precaution, but i felt it cajoling me to let down my guard. it was close to a trivial wish granted, a gluttony for things benign, a regina spektor humming a quirky improv in the background. it was a kiss short of being unforgettable, clementine, and how i hope you felt it too, as it was one good assessment of your cunning.

i was unwary of you, a few days ago. and how i want to be unwary of you now, beyond doubt, beyond logic, beyond memory.


(note: i'm very much excited about this group blog thing, so pardon me for recycling.)