Coming out in the open

I was on the phone last night with a friend who just found out I was gay (and with a partner at that!). My other friend Charity (who sort of promised not to tell anyone) apparently spilled the beans after downing a few glasses of alcohol. It was just my luck that I happened to text her in the middle of her alcoholic disillusionment. I'm not exactly mad, but I suppose I was a bit disappointed because I prefer to see the reactions on my friends' faces when I come out to them. I would have loved to tell Illana myself, except that I haven't seen her in the longest time. But since the cat is out of the bag, I had no choice but to laugh.

So anyway, she said "hindi bagay sa yo" and I assume that she pertains to the idea of me being gay. For all intents and purposes, I look straight to the rest of the world. "Matonic," even. I suppose one would need to have a really fine tuned gaydar installed to detect that my blood is green. I rarely do eye contact with strangers (suplado ang dating), and never go to "gay" places, which probably explains why I haven't hooked up with anyone in a public place. This little detail about me would probably be my downfall as a gay guy, if it were not for the fact that a lot of men prefer "straight acting, matonic" guys over effems. And yeah, I'm already with someone.

Going back to the reason why I'm writing this blog in the first place, I continue to be amazed at the ignorance of people when it comes to the topic of homosexuality. I would think that people would be better informed at this day and age, but we end up sticking to traditions and stereotypes. It is due to this ignorance (or denial?) that people get hurt and disappointed. Delusional college girls fall for the "perfect guy" who in truth, is also interested in another "perfect guy." Ladies who dream of having the perfect wedding get dumped when reality sets in. Gay men who want to be better accepted by society end up marrying their best friends, who they cheat on in the end.

It would be great if we can all fit into a certain category to avoid confusion, if all gay guys could be easily identified because we all act in a certain way. But this is not how it is, and we are all diverse despite all our similarities. It's so confusing, in fact, that we see "males" in the female rest rooms, and vice versa.

I would punch anybody who says I should act a certain way, in a "gay way," so they won't end up confused. This is me, this is how I am, and I am not in the business of pretending to be something that I am not. Sorry ka na lang if you end up being hurt because of your stupidity.