“There should be rest rooms exclusive for gays.” It’s 8 o’clock in the morning and I am hearing this from no other than the “Mo Twister”. Although I don’t have much proclivity towards this personality because of his unrelenting chauvinistic sensibilities, his silly ideas always trigger some neuron in my brain.
Read more ...
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
A Doseful of Discrimination
For the people, Filipino or not who were victims or currently victims of the judgemental egoistic racist world we live in. I just stood up for the rest of you who might have fallen and became numb with this unfair treatment of our race. For the filipino men and women who are helpless in defending themselves in the cruel nation they reside now, I know its hard to live away from home, always think that you are not alone and God is with you.
It has been a week or so when I arrived here in Singapore, and I must tell you that so far aside from being homesick the next thing that I hated most here is that british dumb girl who resides next door. (Dont get me wrong!, I dont have grudges for british people, in fact I love spice girls and george michael)
I never thought that I could be a victim of Racial Discrimination, (actually this is a mild one compared to others) let alone be bombarded by a camilla parker bowles wannabe and her bloody friends living a door away from our place. I have been to HongKong and USA before but luckily I have never experienced such barbaric treatment from the people there, so I was really surprised that finally I had a doseful of how cruel these white people can be and of all places in an asian country like Singapore. Discrimination can really happen anywhere even in our own country, (observe how government institutions treat foreigners than their own kind)
I remember one of my mom's friend telling her story about a posh store in Australia. Being the wife of a PAL pilot, she had the luxury of accompanying him into his travels and money was not a problem to her at all. (she's a bank manager.) This store is so posh that customers are so pampered, that they just sit and point whatever they would like to buy while they are being served with coffee and expensive luscious pastries. But when my mom's friend was about to do the same, white salesladies werent cooperating and even looked at her from head to toe like they just couldnt believe that a brown skinned girl like her can afford to buy stuff there. (reminds me of a particular scene in the movie Pretty Woman), In her utmost bratinella behaviour, my tita paid in cold cash instead of using credit card to show these people that she is indeed capable and they could just die in disbelief.
Moving forward, this irritating scenario happened to me earlier today.
This tranny looking girl made my blood boil like a hot lava inside a trembling volcano. Everytime I go home its hard not to cross her chit chatting entourage in front of their badly interior designed apartment. Whoever said neon orange work well with neon green and hot pink furniture must be really outdated, what are you trying to reside in this place, CIRCUS acrobats!, the pathetic crowd always manages to throw bloody rude remarks for me and my friends everytime we pass by. It was very wiseful and civilized to just ignore it at first but that hot afternoon was extra special that I just said that enough is enough.
Me and strawberry (my ex boyfriend's long time current girlfriend) just came from our little shopping in the nearby store when we walked towards their way and I heard tranny shit telling her "yes" crowd something about filipinoes and they were laughing that its so hard not to notice how evident they were making fun of strawberry and me. (a habit they have established for the past months according to my friends)
tranny: I just dont like filipinoes.
me: What makes you think filipinoes like you?
(strawberry was holding my shirt telling me to shut up and ignore them, but i just cant help it anymore, this time im not letting them bully us and we ran off our domain looking like a scared mice.)
Her crowd shut up and you can see their jaws dropping like they just couldnt believe that I can speak in english in an american accent way that it makes them wonder how I got it.
tranny: (stood up from her seat trying to intimidate me with her piercing eyes and towering height, she was taller than me about 6 ft i think) You know, why I hate filipinoes?, its because they eavesdrop on other people's conversations and YOU SMELL RUBBISH.
This is the part that I felt like im a volcano about to erupt. my nerves were shaking like theres intensity 7 there.
me: Well I suggest you stay away from us then, Do you know that there are 90 million filipinoes living today, and considering that we're almost everywhere in the world, thats a lot of hell you'll be dealing with?
tranny: I just dont care about you guys to give you much thought, lets go inside, let these poor asians whine all day.
me: scared already? (one eyebrow raising)
tranny: Not at all bloody filipino
me: trembling perhaps? (mean challenging look)
tranny: listen, ENGLISH SPEAKING BROWN MONKEY, I dont want to deal anything with you
me: then watch your mouth, because I may purr like a cat but I eat like a tiger
At that point, she left us and went inside her apartment, probably wondering what hit her, surprisingly one of her friends apologized to us and we just nod our heads for acknowledgement, i just hope this will be the last time her crowd makes fun of us, our race and other asians as well, because the next time I hear something foul coming from her garbage babblemouth, ill make sure she gets what she's looking for, I dont care if she's taller than me, i can punch like Manny Pacquiao.
For foreigners who will be reading this post, I sure do hope so that you understand that discriminating any race is not my cup of tea, we may talk with an accent but we dont think with an accent. we may have brown skin but we know how to work hard, dont think all asians are helpless and incompetent because were educated in a third world country, if you dont have anything good to say, then just shut up and be the citizen you are expected to be brought up by a mighty nation.
Mabuhay ang Pilipinas!
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Gay Scene
Browsing through the profiles in G4M, you would surely notice that there are guys who would claim that they are not into the “gay scene”. I am one of them. Is that for real? I could just imagine how the “straight” gays would take that claim. Why would I post a profile in a gay community site if I am not into the scene? I went to Bed once, thrice to Government and sometimes visit movie houses where gays cruise. Am I not into the gay scene?
Read more ...
Read more ...
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Saturday, May 31, 2008
RELATIVITY
“Conscience?”
She asked me, repeating the last word from my sentence.
“Yes, conscience. You don’t have any.”
“Don’t make me laughed. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I-I was just helping the stranger.”
“I wish I am, besides you’re not laughing.”
The time pressed on my skin, frozen.
“If my conscience is here with us tonight, you’re not still gonna be mine.”
The time now was accompanied by silence, it pressed too on my skin, bitter. I loosened my grip on her wrist. She grabbed her bag and fumbled for her mobile phone, after dialing a number she screamed, she cried, she begged, and then she cried again and screamed again for help to the person on the other end of the line.
“I like it when you cared for me. I feel I belong.”
I was not so sure if everything was said correctly. The mixture of my warmth breathes and cold breeze under the lamp post on this side of the park reminded me to save my energy and not to speak.
“You thought I didn’t hear you.” Laura sob.
“Funny. Oh please your dress—I mean I might stained it.”
“Funny? Hah we are not laughing.”
“I am sorry to mess your wedding and your whole night. Send my apology to Solo.”
“It’s okay he will understand.”
“Thanks”
“And I really appreaciate. I really do, that you were always there when I am blue and down.”
“Laura, what I don’t get is that I felt like Mussolini?”
She gave me the stare. Her very first stare when I met her, five years ago.
“Please don’t—"
“He said it seems that my tragic destiny that in all the important moments of my life I find myself..ahhh alone. That is so funny.”
“But Rad ….don’t make it hard for the two us.”
“Why are you here then?”
“You asked me to be here.”
Laura said the medics were close. She told me the sirens like shimmers. But I can’t hear anything anymore except her nearness; I can no longer feel the flow of blood on my chest emptying down to pavement except for her nearness; I could smell her scent and I know she was near.
That was all I need all this time, to be near.
She asked me, repeating the last word from my sentence.
“Yes, conscience. You don’t have any.”
“Don’t make me laughed. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I-I was just helping the stranger.”
“I wish I am, besides you’re not laughing.”
The time pressed on my skin, frozen.
“If my conscience is here with us tonight, you’re not still gonna be mine.”
The time now was accompanied by silence, it pressed too on my skin, bitter. I loosened my grip on her wrist. She grabbed her bag and fumbled for her mobile phone, after dialing a number she screamed, she cried, she begged, and then she cried again and screamed again for help to the person on the other end of the line.
“I like it when you cared for me. I feel I belong.”
I was not so sure if everything was said correctly. The mixture of my warmth breathes and cold breeze under the lamp post on this side of the park reminded me to save my energy and not to speak.
“You thought I didn’t hear you.” Laura sob.
“Funny. Oh please your dress—I mean I might stained it.”
“Funny? Hah we are not laughing.”
“I am sorry to mess your wedding and your whole night. Send my apology to Solo.”
“It’s okay he will understand.”
“Thanks”
“And I really appreaciate. I really do, that you were always there when I am blue and down.”
“Laura, what I don’t get is that I felt like Mussolini?”
She gave me the stare. Her very first stare when I met her, five years ago.
“Please don’t—"
“He said it seems that my tragic destiny that in all the important moments of my life I find myself..ahhh alone. That is so funny.”
“But Rad ….don’t make it hard for the two us.”
“Why are you here then?”
“You asked me to be here.”
Laura said the medics were close. She told me the sirens like shimmers. But I can’t hear anything anymore except her nearness; I can no longer feel the flow of blood on my chest emptying down to pavement except for her nearness; I could smell her scent and I know she was near.
That was all I need all this time, to be near.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
Non-sense Poems (Na Naman?)
SUN, WHERE ART THOU?
As I wake up from my slumber
The darkness enveloped the sky
It was occupied by the nimbuses
Forming those shadows up high
I thought of those days
When the sun usually greets me
But instead there was sorrow
Endless teardrops falling from heaven
Sun, where art thou?
I've been longing for you
To give me heat and energy
Enlighten me along the way
Sun, please make this day your day
As I wake up from my slumber
The darkness enveloped the sky
It was occupied by the nimbuses
Forming those shadows up high
I thought of those days
When the sun usually greets me
But instead there was sorrow
Endless teardrops falling from heaven
Sun, where art thou?
I've been longing for you
To give me heat and energy
Enlighten me along the way
Sun, please make this day your day
Non-sense Poems
WAITING
Looking for some people around
Hoping that I may have found
Such a soul who will give in
And put an imprint on my surface
Through this rainy stormy weather
As I gather all my paraphernalia
Checking if nothing is missing
If all errors were vanished to oblivion
Making sure everything is alright
But suddenly you were not there
In times of my need, there was absence
I hate you and I want you to die
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Korni Joke of the Day (K.J.O.D.)
An old man looking at his prescription pad with the data NAME, AGE, SEX blah blah...
OM: "Six years old pala ako." (LoL)
Me: (Nakitawa na rin)
OM: "Six years old pala ako." (LoL)
Me: (Nakitawa na rin)
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
WoW ("words of wisdom") Quotes
From my serious instructor:
"Planning is not the past tense, it is the future."
"You should know how to solve the formula.."
"Organizing is a verb."
"Who are the mother people here? You should inventory your yaya."
Overheard from a classmate:
"Mi Ultimo Adios means My Ultimate God."
"Planning is not the past tense, it is the future."
"You should know how to solve the formula.."
"Organizing is a verb."
"Who are the mother people here? You should inventory your yaya."
Overheard from a classmate:
"Mi Ultimo Adios means My Ultimate God."
Friday, February 1, 2008
the word "gay"
The appropriate definition of gay is "a male who is attracted with the same gender".
But in our country, especially in the dominant conservative perspective, it would automatically refer to someone who acts effeminate. I know this is supposed to be wrong but in reality it happens. I think this is the reason why the self-declared bisexuals try to avoid the term.
The word "kikay" has changed its meaning. In post-war era, this used to refer to a flirty girl wearing thick make up and unfashionable/jologs-type outfit. But nowadays it would likely be linked with the term "sexy and fashionable".
I hope that this would also happen to the word "gay/bakla". If every PLU would have the guts to use this term, I think people will give due dignity to us if we ourselves would initiate such courageous move. There is power in unity but this wouldn't happen if we keep on bashing our race. World peace ; )
But in our country, especially in the dominant conservative perspective, it would automatically refer to someone who acts effeminate. I know this is supposed to be wrong but in reality it happens. I think this is the reason why the self-declared bisexuals try to avoid the term.
The word "kikay" has changed its meaning. In post-war era, this used to refer to a flirty girl wearing thick make up and unfashionable/jologs-type outfit. But nowadays it would likely be linked with the term "sexy and fashionable".
I hope that this would also happen to the word "gay/bakla". If every PLU would have the guts to use this term, I think people will give due dignity to us if we ourselves would initiate such courageous move. There is power in unity but this wouldn't happen if we keep on bashing our race. World peace ; )
Friday, January 11, 2008
The war of chocolates
Which is sweeter? Which is better?Ferrero or Cadbury?
“Life is like a box of chocolates”
You will never know what you’re going to have unless you open it and try one of the chocolates.
He grabs the box, opens it, sees a Golden wrapped chocolate ball, it never fails to stand out amidst the variety of chocolate balls in the box.
A Ferrero Rocher is probably one of the most favorite chocolate of girls and boys alike, a chocolate ball wrapped in gold, its very tempting, very SEDUCTIVE, very rare, you will never find a chocolate other than Ferrero, the chocolate is sweet, makes you wonder where it came from, makes you think how such a chocolate exist, its too good to be true. One bite is not enough, it is so ADDICTIVE that you want more.
He grabs again another Ferrero ball in the box.
He enjoys eating a Ferrero, a Ferrero gives everything, he wants you to be HAPPY, he gives you LOVE and quality TIME that you’ve always complained about your past relationships. He gives you what he thinks is BEST for you. He gives you the right ATTENTION. He TICKLES your inner senses. He gives you his LIFE.
You eat a Ferrero and slowly taste the sweetness in your mouth, you wouldn’t swallow it unless you think it’s the right time. A Ferrero NEVER COMPLAINS, take me as I am, even if it’s my life, but Ferreros do die, after eating what’s next? There’s nothing left for a Ferrero, a golden wrapper in your hand, what do you do?
You flatten it, you see there were bits of chocolate left, you slowly lick them, a Ferrero leaves you traces, a Ferrero NEVER LEAVES YOU, he NEVER HANGS YOU IN MISERY, he always wanted closure, he makes sure that you’ll ask for more but what do you do after licking it.
You slowly crumple and throw it in the bin. Ferreros never complain, we never rant about it. We just took it as a sign, MAYBE WE DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER, MAYBE WE THOUGHT ITS YOU, BUT I GUESS NOT, we’re just a chocolate, WE’RE NOT GREAT LIKE WHAT WE THINK WE ARE. Sometimes when it comes to love, Ferreros are STUPID.
But you just can’t get enough of Ferrero, you open the box again, you see there is just one Ferrero left, but then you see another chocolate, the Cadbury. You decided to try it out, after all a FORGIVING and UNDERSTANDABLE Ferrero wouldn’t mind right? Trying out a different chocolate gives you VARIETY and SPICE IN YOUR LIFE. You have always been ADVENTUROUS and a Ferrero loved you for that. Even if you’re afraid of COMMITMENT, I have loved you for that. But even with all that effort you still decided to leave the Ferrero alone or maybe leave the last piece of him for now, Are you saving the best for last? I don’t know! Maybe you can tell me.
Cadbury comes in different forms, sometimes with raisin, sometimes with almonds and sometimes even both, the Cadbury comes in a plain bar but its FULL OF SURPRISES, it has always been, you feel like your 17 and then you stop and think, maybe a Ferrero at 23 is too old for you, a Cadbury bar is BIGGER AND TALLER, a Ferrero is a small ball, its not enough for your appetite. A Ferrero is never enough for you. A Cadbury bar also gives you everything, every bar has a surprise, sometimes you feel some raisins in it, its give you sweetness, it gives you that feeling that you want more and you just cant get enough, sometimes its just plain chocolate, I don’t know for certain what does it mean, but for some its like a DULL moment. and being a Ferrero lover myself, I definitely agree. But like a Ferrero, it gives you everything, he makes sure you always come back; he makes sure you will never look for another chocolate again.
I guess the Cadbury doesn’t know that there is a single Ferrero ball left in the box. It wasn’t his fault, YOU NEVER TOLD HIM, he’s too FAR to see how a Ferrero looks like. IF ONLY HE KNEW, he will never let you eat him, he will give you a bitter taste you’ll never imagine a chocolate can be capable of, Who knows what you’re going to do with the last Ferrero ball? Will you come back and love the chocolate again? Will you let him stay there until you finish the rest of the Cadbury? A REBOUND CHOCOLATE? Did you left him there to make him stay while you enjoy the other and come back to him when you get tired, SELFISH? I don’t know! Having the best of both worlds? YES!
Is the Ferrero waiting for you? I don’t know! Come what may, A Ferrero will never give you up, but a Ferrero will always be a chocolate, Chocolates are meant to be eaten. I hope that when you realize its time for another Ferrero experience. I hope ITS NOT TOO LATE, I hope it’s still there waiting for you and YOU BETTER HOPE that NO ONE hasn’t discovered your chocolate box and CHASED HIM AWAY. Because LEAVING ME HANGING THERE IS LIKE GIVING ME AWAY.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Post ng Tamad
Happy New Year, guys!
It's been a year since my last post, and I'm thinking about resuscitating this "secret blog" of mine. I suppose 2007 has been exceptional for me in the sense that I was able to become more at ease with my sexuality. More friends have come to know the real me, and I am seriously considering having "the talk" with my parents real soon.
For now, I leave you with a borrowed post from a friend. I'm pretty sure that a lot of you can relate to this "tragic" love story
-----------------------------------
"Unrequited Love"
All I ever wanted was to have a simple life: a loving husband, a couple of obedient kids, a comfortable home, and perhaps a dog. Scratch that. I don't want a dog. Active pets make domestic life more difficult than it has to be. I will probably just get a goldfish. Yeah, a goldfish or two would be good.
My first obstacle is, of course, finding the right man. At a ripe age of 25, I've never had a boyfriend. NBSB kumbaga. No Boyfriend Since Birth. Don't get me wrong. I am fairly attractive and quite a catch if I may say so myself. 5'5" in height, 110 lbs in weight. College graduate from a reputable school, and the bread winner of my family. I literally have the proverbial "long hair." I've had my fair share of suitors, but never found any of them suitable for me. I'd never say this out loud, but some of them are EWWW. They just don't do it for me.
That is, until I found him. The one.
Actually, I already knew him for quite some time, but it was only when I became his direct subordinate that my feelings flared up. Kind, outgoing, encouraging. I was in love. And I did everything imaginable (for a dalagang pilipina, that is) to make sure that my feelings were reciprocated. I tripled my efforts at work just for him to notice me more. I befriended his friends (yeah, even those who came straight from hell) just to get closer to him. I introduced him to my own friends and family members. I even started wearing skirts and other girlie outfits.
From the start, my friends discouraged me from falling for this guy. It was obvious, they said. He's gay. What the hell was I thinking falling in love with a gay guy? I will only end up being hurt or used. Just take a good look at him and his mannerisms. Even his friends tease him publicly, for crying out loud.
At first, I didn't listen. I didn't want to believe. I love him, how can he be gay? He looks so manly, how can he be gay? He used to have a girlfriend, how can he be gay? But all evidences appear to point to one conclusion: he may, indeed, be playing for the wrong team.
As I was convinced of his true orientation, my concept of reality began to alter. I tried to rationalize my feelings by telling myself that sex and intimacy do not really matter. What I am after is companionship and love. True love knows no boundaries, and a little thing like sexual attraction should not stand in the way of two people in love.
I wept. But I'm still hopeful. I need to have him. He is my only chance at happiness. It is a fight that I am not willing to give up.
The woes of unrequited love.
-- from http://buybuymo.multiply.com/journal/item/146
It's been a year since my last post, and I'm thinking about resuscitating this "secret blog" of mine. I suppose 2007 has been exceptional for me in the sense that I was able to become more at ease with my sexuality. More friends have come to know the real me, and I am seriously considering having "the talk" with my parents real soon.
For now, I leave you with a borrowed post from a friend. I'm pretty sure that a lot of you can relate to this "tragic" love story
-----------------------------------
"Unrequited Love"
All I ever wanted was to have a simple life: a loving husband, a couple of obedient kids, a comfortable home, and perhaps a dog. Scratch that. I don't want a dog. Active pets make domestic life more difficult than it has to be. I will probably just get a goldfish. Yeah, a goldfish or two would be good.
My first obstacle is, of course, finding the right man. At a ripe age of 25, I've never had a boyfriend. NBSB kumbaga. No Boyfriend Since Birth. Don't get me wrong. I am fairly attractive and quite a catch if I may say so myself. 5'5" in height, 110 lbs in weight. College graduate from a reputable school, and the bread winner of my family. I literally have the proverbial "long hair." I've had my fair share of suitors, but never found any of them suitable for me. I'd never say this out loud, but some of them are EWWW. They just don't do it for me.
That is, until I found him. The one.
Actually, I already knew him for quite some time, but it was only when I became his direct subordinate that my feelings flared up. Kind, outgoing, encouraging. I was in love. And I did everything imaginable (for a dalagang pilipina, that is) to make sure that my feelings were reciprocated. I tripled my efforts at work just for him to notice me more. I befriended his friends (yeah, even those who came straight from hell) just to get closer to him. I introduced him to my own friends and family members. I even started wearing skirts and other girlie outfits.
From the start, my friends discouraged me from falling for this guy. It was obvious, they said. He's gay. What the hell was I thinking falling in love with a gay guy? I will only end up being hurt or used. Just take a good look at him and his mannerisms. Even his friends tease him publicly, for crying out loud.
At first, I didn't listen. I didn't want to believe. I love him, how can he be gay? He looks so manly, how can he be gay? He used to have a girlfriend, how can he be gay? But all evidences appear to point to one conclusion: he may, indeed, be playing for the wrong team.
As I was convinced of his true orientation, my concept of reality began to alter. I tried to rationalize my feelings by telling myself that sex and intimacy do not really matter. What I am after is companionship and love. True love knows no boundaries, and a little thing like sexual attraction should not stand in the way of two people in love.
I wept. But I'm still hopeful. I need to have him. He is my only chance at happiness. It is a fight that I am not willing to give up.
The woes of unrequited love.
-- from http://buybuymo.multiply.com/journal/item/146
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Ang Titi.
Titi ang tawag sa organ ng mga lalake. Iniiwasan mabigkas dahel ito ay bastos sa ating wika. Bastos dahel yun ang turo nang matatanda. Nakakahiyang sabihin. Immoral marineg ang salitang, Titi.
"Magtakip ka nang tenga, bastos yang saletang yan!"
"Oh my gosh, your so gross."
"Masusunog ka sa impyerno, manyak ka!"
Yan ang maririnig mo pag may nagbigkas ng saletang, Titi.
"Titi. Titi. Titi. Magsawa ka sa saletang ito. Hindi ako bastos. Hindi ako immoral." tugon ng Titi.
Titi.
Balik tayo sa salitang, Titi. Sanay na ba kayo marinig ang salitang, Titi? Hindi ba kayo nababagabag marinig ang salitang, Titi? Nababastusan pa ba kayo? Oo, mainitin ulo ko. Dahel hinde niyo ako iniintinde. May sarile akong pag-iisip. Liwas sa pag-iisep ng tao. Ako ang batas. Gagawen ko nais ko. At wala akong pinipiling tao. Magagalet ako kelan ko gustuhen. Maglalabas ako ng sama ng loob kahet ika'y mahimbing na natutulog. Wala kang magagawa kunde tanggapin kong anu ako.
Samakutuwid, nasagi sa isipan ko, mas makapangyarihan nga ang, Titi, kesa tao. May sarili itong utak. May sariling damdamin. May sariling nais. Nais na lagpas pa sa naiisip mong gawin. Nais na hinde mo kayang isipen. Isang misteryo. Isang palaisipang mahirap basagin.
"Kung yan ang katwiran mo, anung aspekto meron ka at tinagurian kang bastos?" tanong ng Mangmang
"Hinde ko alam." sagot ng Titi.
"Ipaliwanag mo sakin ang itsura mo." usisa ng Mangmang
"Iba-iba. Hinde ko man nakikilala ang ibang, Titi, alam kong iba-iba kami ng itsura. Gaya ng tao, kami'y natatangi. May malalaki. May maliliit. May tuwid. May baliko. May mataba. May payat. May balat. May binalatan. May Maputi. May Pink. May Brown. May Dark Brown. May Super Dark Brown. Sa amoy, may amoy rosas. Amoy Singkamas. Amoy bagong ligo. Walang amoy. Amoy tambutso. Amoy Kabayo."
"Nakakatawa ka naman pala eh! Di ka dapat tawaging bastos. Payaso pwede pa." hirit ng Mangmang
"Wala kang galang. Hinde mo lang ako tinawag na bastos, sinabihan mo pang katatatawanan ang, Titi. Hinde ba, minsan kayo ang lumuluhod sa amin. Kayo ang nag-aalaga sa amin. Kayo ang nagpapaligo sa amin. Sinusuyo niyo lang kami sa oras ng inyong pangangailangan. Pero masahol pala tingen niyo samen."
"Hinde ka lang nakakatawa, balat sibuyas ka pa. Pikon!" pangungutya ng Mangmang
"Sinong di mapipikon. Madali kaming masaktan. Konting bagay lang, nasasaktan na kami. Yung ulong nakalabas sa balat ng aming pagkatao, sapat na yon para sa isang kahihiyan. Para kaming mga walang saplot. Pero hinayaan namin yon. Masaket man, tiniis namin. Para daw di kami marungisan. Pero bawat sagi nito, kami'y kumikirot. Bawat ngipin. Bawat kuko. Lahat ng elemento, isinasagi niyo sa amin. Ipinapasok niyo kami sa madidilim na lugar. Mga lungga ng ihi, ng tae, ng dugo, ng tinga! Binababoy niyo kami."
"Andami mo palang hinanakit, bakit di ka magsaleta at i-voice out ang iyong hinaing." usisa ng Mangmang
"Dahel mahina ako. Titi lang ako. Makapangyarihan ngunit marupok." sagot ng Titi
Ang Titi.
Isang saleta na kung tutuusin binubuo lamang ng mga letra. Letra na walang malay sa binuo nitong saleta. Saletang iniiwasan. Saletang pinandidirihan. Saletang bastos. Saletang kanto. Saletang pwede bumuo ng pantasya. Pantasya na maherap burahin.
Ang Titi, ay isang responsibilidad na sa simula pa lamang, ay maherap panindigan. Maherap patayin. Lingid ito sa ating kapangyarihan, at ang tanging magagawa naten ay tanggapin.
Hinde natin maikukubli ang, Titi. Parte ito ng ating buhay. Ang Titi, ay buhay. Ang buhay, ay Titi.
Mabuhay ang Titi!
Titi ang tawag sa organ ng mga lalake. Iniiwasan mabigkas dahel ito ay bastos sa ating wika. Bastos dahel yun ang turo nang matatanda. Nakakahiyang sabihin. Immoral marineg ang salitang, Titi.
"Magtakip ka nang tenga, bastos yang saletang yan!"
"Oh my gosh, your so gross."
"Masusunog ka sa impyerno, manyak ka!"
Yan ang maririnig mo pag may nagbigkas ng saletang, Titi.
"Titi. Titi. Titi. Magsawa ka sa saletang ito. Hindi ako bastos. Hindi ako immoral." tugon ng Titi.
Titi.
Balik tayo sa salitang, Titi. Sanay na ba kayo marinig ang salitang, Titi? Hindi ba kayo nababagabag marinig ang salitang, Titi? Nababastusan pa ba kayo? Oo, mainitin ulo ko. Dahel hinde niyo ako iniintinde. May sarile akong pag-iisip. Liwas sa pag-iisep ng tao. Ako ang batas. Gagawen ko nais ko. At wala akong pinipiling tao. Magagalet ako kelan ko gustuhen. Maglalabas ako ng sama ng loob kahet ika'y mahimbing na natutulog. Wala kang magagawa kunde tanggapin kong anu ako.
Samakutuwid, nasagi sa isipan ko, mas makapangyarihan nga ang, Titi, kesa tao. May sarili itong utak. May sariling damdamin. May sariling nais. Nais na lagpas pa sa naiisip mong gawin. Nais na hinde mo kayang isipen. Isang misteryo. Isang palaisipang mahirap basagin.
"Kung yan ang katwiran mo, anung aspekto meron ka at tinagurian kang bastos?" tanong ng Mangmang
"Hinde ko alam." sagot ng Titi.
"Ipaliwanag mo sakin ang itsura mo." usisa ng Mangmang
"Iba-iba. Hinde ko man nakikilala ang ibang, Titi, alam kong iba-iba kami ng itsura. Gaya ng tao, kami'y natatangi. May malalaki. May maliliit. May tuwid. May baliko. May mataba. May payat. May balat. May binalatan. May Maputi. May Pink. May Brown. May Dark Brown. May Super Dark Brown. Sa amoy, may amoy rosas. Amoy Singkamas. Amoy bagong ligo. Walang amoy. Amoy tambutso. Amoy Kabayo."
"Nakakatawa ka naman pala eh! Di ka dapat tawaging bastos. Payaso pwede pa." hirit ng Mangmang
"Wala kang galang. Hinde mo lang ako tinawag na bastos, sinabihan mo pang katatatawanan ang, Titi. Hinde ba, minsan kayo ang lumuluhod sa amin. Kayo ang nag-aalaga sa amin. Kayo ang nagpapaligo sa amin. Sinusuyo niyo lang kami sa oras ng inyong pangangailangan. Pero masahol pala tingen niyo samen."
"Hinde ka lang nakakatawa, balat sibuyas ka pa. Pikon!" pangungutya ng Mangmang
"Sinong di mapipikon. Madali kaming masaktan. Konting bagay lang, nasasaktan na kami. Yung ulong nakalabas sa balat ng aming pagkatao, sapat na yon para sa isang kahihiyan. Para kaming mga walang saplot. Pero hinayaan namin yon. Masaket man, tiniis namin. Para daw di kami marungisan. Pero bawat sagi nito, kami'y kumikirot. Bawat ngipin. Bawat kuko. Lahat ng elemento, isinasagi niyo sa amin. Ipinapasok niyo kami sa madidilim na lugar. Mga lungga ng ihi, ng tae, ng dugo, ng tinga! Binababoy niyo kami."
"Andami mo palang hinanakit, bakit di ka magsaleta at i-voice out ang iyong hinaing." usisa ng Mangmang
"Dahel mahina ako. Titi lang ako. Makapangyarihan ngunit marupok." sagot ng Titi
Ang Titi.
Isang saleta na kung tutuusin binubuo lamang ng mga letra. Letra na walang malay sa binuo nitong saleta. Saletang iniiwasan. Saletang pinandidirihan. Saletang bastos. Saletang kanto. Saletang pwede bumuo ng pantasya. Pantasya na maherap burahin.
Ang Titi, ay isang responsibilidad na sa simula pa lamang, ay maherap panindigan. Maherap patayin. Lingid ito sa ating kapangyarihan, at ang tanging magagawa naten ay tanggapin.
Hinde natin maikukubli ang, Titi. Parte ito ng ating buhay. Ang Titi, ay buhay. Ang buhay, ay Titi.
Mabuhay ang Titi!
Sunday, January 6, 2008
The Big Daddy In Me
One time, while exchanging private messages with someone that turns out to be a minor in G4M:
---
Me: Ay bata ka palang pala! Pwede ka ba alagaan? Joke!! Name ko talaga Joms, magkasing edad kami ni Gyminstructor. Nagkita kami sa BED sa malate. Gusto mo magkaroon ng idea kung paano magestablish ng blog?
Him: yup opo...gus2 q po..ah ok sa malate pla un bk8 d q alam un..ikaw n mgging tatay q?joke din.. (Kiddietalk Translation: gusto ko po. ah sa malate pala yun. bakit di ko alam yun. Ikaw na magiging tatay ko?)
Me: Haha. pinatawa mo ko dun ah. Sige ampunin kita ha! lol. Wala kang pasok ngayon?
---
It all started a week ago. While browsing the forums in G4M, I noticed a young-looking member who posted at random threads in order to bring them up of the forum lists.
At first, I wasn't paying attention to his posts. But when I found out that the young-looking PLU is actually one of my friend's aquaintances, I immediately opened his profile to review it in hopes that I could find something that could serve as my opening line, if ever I decide to send him a private message.
His face is indeed very young - he is cute but I never aim for kids. His introduction is way too simple, it doesn't interest me either. However, one of his half-naked pic showed an abs muscles that are so flat, it instantly caught my attention. Immediately, I sent him a message asking his secrets to a flat tummy.
The simple introduction about the tummy lead to another, He told me about his sad life, his school activities and some things about his weird personality. As we exchanged messages the entire afternoon, the thought of the kid who asked me to become his "Kuya" back in elementary floated in my head. As the young guy in G4M began called me "dada," I responded 'nak' to acknowledge our newfound "cyber" relationship . It was very awkward at first, but eventually the little role-playing convinced me that I could stand up as his "virtual" big daddy in that website. I'm sure that since he grew up without his parents around, a little fatherly concern from someone much older than him might actually help in overcoming the transition from young adulthood to being a full adult homo guy he is passing through.
---
Him: dada elow po..ay naku dada fri ngaun..kahapon pumasok aq sa skul ng 4 eh 3:30 class q dada tpos po ndi n nman aq nakkuwi ngaun fri po eh ngaun lang aq nakauwi ng umaga...uu dada..ingat k po.. (Kiddietalk Translation: dad hello po, ay naku, friday ngayon. kahapon pumasok ako sa school ng 4 eh 3:30 class ko. tapos, ngayon na lang ako nakauwi ng dorm kasi nakitulog ako sa bahay ng classmate ko. ingat ka po.)
Me: Hi anak. Nako, madalas ata ang overnight mo sa ibang bahay ah. Basta ingat ka lagi ha at wag mo pabayaan ang school mo. Hug nga kita.. xox O siya, ako naman ang papasok sa school. Na-add na kita sa friendster ko ha. Have a nice weekend!
Him: SALAMAT PO DADA....WOW BAIT NMAN TLGA NG DADA Q..INGAT K PO SA PAGPASOK....CGE PO OPEN Q MUNA FWENZTER Q....KAW DIN PO DADA HAVE A NICW WIKEND... (Kiddietalk Translation: Salamat po dad. Wow bait naman talaga ng dad ko. Ingat ka po sa pagpasok. Sige po, open ko muna friendster ko. Kaw din, have a nice weekend.)
---
Funny how things turned out days after we started role playing. I'm not even sure how it would affect my general outlook in life, now that I'm beginning to feel responsible to some PLU very much younger than me. I don't know either the long-term effect of my start-up presence in this young kid's life.
But one thing is for sure though. Ever since the kid and I started talking that way, I became more concerned to some of my girl-friends who are also single parents as well. For some very very weird reasons, I feel like acting a fatherhood dream, I might never become in this life time.
Pity those who throw their seeds, only to abandon them in the end.
I swear, just one little seed from me. Just one little boy I could call junior someday...
---
SMS Message:
Me: [Name of Ex Girl Crush], make sure, moti is protected ha! Uso ang dengue ngayon.
Her: Yes dad! Ehehehe, u. Tanks 4 reminding. I'll check on hm as soon I get home. tc.
---
I could be more than most fathers I know.
I could even be greater than the man who brought me into this world.
---
Me: Ay bata ka palang pala! Pwede ka ba alagaan? Joke!! Name ko talaga Joms, magkasing edad kami ni Gyminstructor. Nagkita kami sa BED sa malate. Gusto mo magkaroon ng idea kung paano magestablish ng blog?
Him: yup opo...gus2 q po..ah ok sa malate pla un bk8 d q alam un..ikaw n mgging tatay q?joke din.. (Kiddietalk Translation: gusto ko po. ah sa malate pala yun. bakit di ko alam yun. Ikaw na magiging tatay ko?)
Me: Haha. pinatawa mo ko dun ah. Sige ampunin kita ha! lol. Wala kang pasok ngayon?
---
It all started a week ago. While browsing the forums in G4M, I noticed a young-looking member who posted at random threads in order to bring them up of the forum lists.
At first, I wasn't paying attention to his posts. But when I found out that the young-looking PLU is actually one of my friend's aquaintances, I immediately opened his profile to review it in hopes that I could find something that could serve as my opening line, if ever I decide to send him a private message.
His face is indeed very young - he is cute but I never aim for kids. His introduction is way too simple, it doesn't interest me either. However, one of his half-naked pic showed an abs muscles that are so flat, it instantly caught my attention. Immediately, I sent him a message asking his secrets to a flat tummy.
The simple introduction about the tummy lead to another, He told me about his sad life, his school activities and some things about his weird personality. As we exchanged messages the entire afternoon, the thought of the kid who asked me to become his "Kuya" back in elementary floated in my head. As the young guy in G4M began called me "dada," I responded 'nak' to acknowledge our newfound "cyber" relationship . It was very awkward at first, but eventually the little role-playing convinced me that I could stand up as his "virtual" big daddy in that website. I'm sure that since he grew up without his parents around, a little fatherly concern from someone much older than him might actually help in overcoming the transition from young adulthood to being a full adult homo guy he is passing through.
---
Him: dada elow po..ay naku dada fri ngaun..kahapon pumasok aq sa skul ng 4 eh 3:30 class q dada tpos po ndi n nman aq nakkuwi ngaun fri po eh ngaun lang aq nakauwi ng umaga...uu dada..ingat k po.. (Kiddietalk Translation: dad hello po, ay naku, friday ngayon. kahapon pumasok ako sa school ng 4 eh 3:30 class ko. tapos, ngayon na lang ako nakauwi ng dorm kasi nakitulog ako sa bahay ng classmate ko. ingat ka po.)
Me: Hi anak. Nako, madalas ata ang overnight mo sa ibang bahay ah. Basta ingat ka lagi ha at wag mo pabayaan ang school mo. Hug nga kita.. xox O siya, ako naman ang papasok sa school. Na-add na kita sa friendster ko ha. Have a nice weekend!
Him: SALAMAT PO DADA....WOW BAIT NMAN TLGA NG DADA Q..INGAT K PO SA PAGPASOK....CGE PO OPEN Q MUNA FWENZTER Q....KAW DIN PO DADA HAVE A NICW WIKEND... (Kiddietalk Translation: Salamat po dad. Wow bait naman talaga ng dad ko. Ingat ka po sa pagpasok. Sige po, open ko muna friendster ko. Kaw din, have a nice weekend.)
---
Funny how things turned out days after we started role playing. I'm not even sure how it would affect my general outlook in life, now that I'm beginning to feel responsible to some PLU very much younger than me. I don't know either the long-term effect of my start-up presence in this young kid's life.
But one thing is for sure though. Ever since the kid and I started talking that way, I became more concerned to some of my girl-friends who are also single parents as well. For some very very weird reasons, I feel like acting a fatherhood dream, I might never become in this life time.
Pity those who throw their seeds, only to abandon them in the end.
I swear, just one little seed from me. Just one little boy I could call junior someday...
---
SMS Message:
Me: [Name of Ex Girl Crush], make sure, moti is protected ha! Uso ang dengue ngayon.
Her: Yes dad! Ehehehe, u. Tanks 4 reminding. I'll check on hm as soon I get home. tc.
---
I could be more than most fathers I know.
I could even be greater than the man who brought me into this world.
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