meander

you write indirectly, choosing oblique angles to capture that event, which seems to sink in just now. you do this not only for the beauty of a broken narrative, but a testament to your cowardice to be blatant.

or probably, you are still trying to grapple a perspective, if not the truth, either of which remains elusive up to now. or to segregate the tangled details to suit your understanding. either way, you collect the pieces as you tell the tale to a friend, tolerating incoherence and inaccurate explanations, as this is the only way for you to gauge if you're nearer or father from a past you are trying to relive and forget at the same time.

as he listens attentively, you tell him that the mistake was yours, as if you believe that it is a mistake in the first place. but isn't it? to finally close in on someone now becoming a referent of many things -- songs, images, thoughts beneath thoughts.

i imagine a hand unburdened of a heavy stone, now lost and fumbling amidst lightness. i look at my hand, and i see a lousy metaphor that pleaded to be written. and somewhere within the preceding sentences, the past and the present ramble into each other's path, like one sea wave to another, converging, departing but not enough to separate itself from the other, like this post to its blurry origin, both of them ending without beginning.

Wowowee Controversy.. you be the judge

The author of the video below somehow tried to give a logical explanation as to why the recently much talked about incident on the show wowowee happened... Express yourselves G4m bloggers

Like a Virgin

I received a message on my mobile telling me that smart unlimited text service is back, and true enough i manage to register even if it was beyond 5pm cut-off time.

To make use or say abuse the unlimited service, i forwarded a message to everyone on my phonebook with something like this:
"If youre given a chance to ask me one controversial question , what would it be"

The responses were enourmous with random questions that includes safe questions like

sino ka date mo ngayon (who is your date now)

to some inane questions like why a building is called as such when it is already built? there is even a response that says... "did you love me?" , that coming from someone i just meet once. hehe

All throughout the responses, there have been quite a few controversial and mischievous questions being thrown unto me... Questions like

Are you gay?
May experience ka na ba? ( Do you already have an experience?),
Naga fuck ka ba? (Do you fuck?) the question being referred to as sex with the same sex.

One predominant question of all which i was caught offguard was the question of virginity....

Virgin ka pa ba? ( Are you still a virgin?)
Sino nakadivirginize sa yo (Who divirginize you?)
Pwede ba kitang i divirginize (Can i divirginize you?)
What age did you lost your virginity...

These questions brought me back to my high school days where i first had this so called sex...

shivering ... anxious ... afraid... mixed emotions of a boy whose eyes glowed in horror as the predator feasted on his innocent raw body...

Just one of the things found on my closet... hahayzzzzzzzzzz

SOMEONE

A lot of people has asked me who "Someone" is?

I dont know how to explain it and how to introduce him in this blog ...

I think im falling for him (Here we go again turismoboi, akala ko b nagbago ka na?, so impulsive)....

At first I wasnt aware of this attraction I felt for him, I thought I was just too interested and too intrigued, I thought I was just curious, I even told myself that this is just "libog". I thought that if I find another interesting guy, (thats why I tried to date other people) this attraction will die naturally, but recently I think it was getting stronger.

He was kind to me and the rest of the people as well. He was friendly or maybe too friendly, I dont know if we are really close or its just because thats what I want to think, and I really dont want to ask if he is close to me or not, but right now I could proudly tell he is now special but I dont want to hurt people.

A friend told me maybe it because he's just getting too friendly to me or maybe he was just a professional flirt after all everybody seems to have fallen for him not just me, my friend told me to be distant to him, I was trying to do that for days, but I gave up, I just cant help to be close to him even if its not right. My friend told me that he must be really a flirt or just maybe too attractive for me thats why I'm so eager to be with him.

"Hindi mo pa kasi natitikman, like what you always say libog lang yan"

but is it libog lang? I know by choice this feeling will pass, but I dont know, right now it is killing me, I kept on thinking about him (Here we go again turismoboi, ilang beses na ba narinig sakin yan sa blog) but I just cant help it, thats me, and its wrong, very very wrong.

I am very much aware that things wont work like what I want them to be, "Someone" is very much taken and very much in love with his significant other. I am just a stranger to this scene. I came late and Im sure ill just pass this relationship, maybe ill be the reason for the jealousy, ill be another trial or challenge to make their relationship stronger or maybe im just assuming too much.

"Someone" doesnt know that im feeling this, and I dont want him to have a hint. Im not going to tell this to him at all, not at this time or not even in a later time, its just too complicated to express this feeling especially now, im not sure how he will even react, he may just laugh, I dont even want to see his suprised, unexpected reaction. I will be a laughing stock of the couple and the people around us. There are lot of single persons out there? Im not sure why I'm attracted to this one? (TANGA!)

Recently he was giving signs that I think hes attracted to me as well (or maybe I thought there were signs but they are actually not) but I guess he is also now aware that the so called friendship we are building is going to a different direction if we allow it, I think he loves his significant other and he doesnt to hurt him again. I was kind of a witness on how he tried to fight for this relationship. Now that there is a calm water on their end, here I come storming around.

I have decided now to set a distance. I hardly text him or talk to him. I found as well a sign and an excuse last week to set more distance, he's smart I'm sure sooner or later he will realize that im doing this because I dont want to hurt anyone, I am helping him not to commit a mistake. I am helping myself to fall out of love or maybe not to fall in love at all. At this point, I believe this is just attraction but I really dont want this to progress to something.

Coincidentally, I was browsing Youtube when I found this new video of Avant and Nicole Scherzinger of the Pussycat Dolls, video was good but the message really hit me

Below are some of the lyrics and the youtube video, red portions of the song hit what I want to express, and the blue portions of the song are the ones I ambitiously want him to express.

Lie about us

"Baby I know when we started out there were things you didn't know, but babygirl we got a lotta things we
Need to discuss I know I'm asking for a lot, but just trust. you say that things gettin old sneakin'
Round creepin' and love on the low but baby girl I can't wait till' it's officially us, I can't wait to
Let them know about us.

First I thought that I could take you boy but I don't know, you told me you were gonna leave her for me Long ago.

Eventually I will but I just gotta take it slow don't wanna break her heart, altough I gotta let her go So baby ..

So please don't say you wanna give up.
How do I tell her that I'm falling in love,
And I know you're waiting patiently for that day
When we no longer have to lie about us.
Im with her all I want is your touch,
And when you call me I don't wanna hang up,
And I know I say it often but I can't wait
Till' we no longer have to lie about us.

Baby I know situation don't seem fair to us both.
But babygirl, she's an issue that I'm bout to adjust.
Don't mistake our love is meant for just us,
You are my soul, mind, body, spirit all that I know.
But babygirl I can't wait till' it's officially us,
I can't Wait to tell the world about us.



Moving forward, I dont want you to leave my blog with an impression that I want something to happen, I am hoping but Im not expecting.

I know where I stand. Enough said.

Maybe I'll just wait........... or maybe not.

mandy moore's version of umbrella

just wanted to share this one guys hehehehe!

i found it cute!

Pinakamagandang Komento para sa OFW ay mula kay Malu Fernandez:

However I forgot that the hub was in Dubai and the majority of the OFWs (overseas Filipino workers) were stationed there. The duty-free shop was overrun with Filipino workers selling cell phones and perfume. Meanwhile, I wanted to slash my wrist at the thought of being trapped in a plane with all of them.

While I was on the plane (where the seats were so small I had bruises on my legs), my only consolation was the entertainment on the small flat screen in front of me. But it was busted, so I heaved a sigh, popped my sleeping pills and dozed off to the sounds of gum chewing and endless yelling of “HOY! Kumusta ka na? At taga sann ka? Domestic helper ka rin ba?” Translation: “Hey there? Where are you from? Are you a domestic helper as well?” I though I had died and God had sent me to my very own private hell.

On my way back, I had to bravely take the economy flight once more. This time I had already resigned myself to being trapped like a sardine in a sardine can with all these OFWs smelling of AXE and Charlie cologne while Jo Malone evaporated into thin air.

Ang ganda di ba! Quoted from an issue of People Asia June 2007. What a woman of strong and admirable sensibilities. By the way the honorable lady is a columnist too of Manila Standard today.

“Just recently, I wrote a funny article in my magazine column and my friends thought it was hilarious. It was humorous and quite tongue-in-cheek, or at least I thought so, until the magazine got a few e-mails from people who didn’t get the meaning of my acerbic wit. The bottom line was just that I had offended the reader’s socioeconomic background. If any of these people actually read anything thicker then a magazine they would find it very funny. Most people don’t get the fact that they need bitches like me to shake up their world, otherwise their lives would be boring and mediocre. I obviously write for the a certain target audience and if what I write offends you, just stop reading.

Although it may sound elitist to you the fact is this country is built on the foundation of haves, have-nots and wannabes. One group will never get the culture of the other. Although I could mention that it is easier to understand someone who has a lower socioeconomic background that would entail a whole other page and frankly I don’t want to be someone to bridge the gap between socioeconomic classes. I leave that to the politicians in my family who believe they can actually help. Now I seriously ask you, am I being a diva or are people around me just lacking in common sense? Perhaps it’s a little of both!”

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